Dear "M",
First of all, please don't despair! Your husband has been under stress
and is silent and alone in his suffering too. I do not feel
another woman... nor astral "underwear gnomes"... but the
secret your husband is living with is not as uncommon as you would
think. I hope your love for your husband will allow you to see him
without accusation or judgment, but allow him to open up to you with
your love and understanding. I feel he is the one wearing your clothing.
Please understand that there are many otherwise "normal"
heterosexual males who for one reason or another are compelled to
wear woman's clothing. Many of them live in shame and confusion about
their compulsion, but there is support and wider acceptance for it
now.
I
would like to point you to a few websites you may find helpful. Jamie
Renae is a married male, heterosexual crossdresser who can perhaps
help you understand the situation a bit better, while transgender.org
is a website community with local listings for transgendered and transvestite
support. About.com has a page on gender
theory listing articles and websites, including an article you
may find helpful written by a wife of a cross dresser called "Helping
Wives of Crossdressers", and there is also a page in about.com's
sexuality section of transgendered
sites and resources. (Clicking on any of these links will open
the page in another browser window.)
I
believe honest, non-confrontational, nonjudgmental communication would
be of great benefit to you both, this is not a horrible, awful thing....
this is being human. We all have a wound, a suffering we all hopefully,
will try to bring to the light and begin to heal. Many of us numb
our pain with drugs, alcohol, shopping, sex, eating, gambling and
other compulsive behaviors especially when under stress. Honest communication
between you can hopefully help him begin to understand himself and
whether he wishes to break free from this habit or enjoy it without
the guilt, shame and turmoil the dishonesty is causing in your marriage.
Professional help would be advised especially if either of you have
a hard time accepting his behavior.
It
is sad but true, that many couples fear honest sexual communication
and emotional intimacy thinking that their partners would leave them
should they truly know who they are, but this openness and sharing
and baring of our souls is what brings us to unconditional love. It's
not an easy path... in this world dysfunction, dishonesty and living
in unconsciousness is generally the rule... but the ultimate joy of
living in conscious awareness of our being, being loved and loving
another unconditionally is well worth the rocky climb as it brings
us closer to Spirit.
I
know you will have many questions, and it will be good to reexamine
your own beliefs, issues and woundedness, know that every oppression
is a healing waiting to happen, and something wonderful can spring
forth from the darkest of times. May this be the beginning of a profound
healing for you both... you are both feeling quite alone in your suffering
now. May your love overcome any obstacles and bring you to a greater
compassionate awareness.
I
wish you both the peace, love and understanding you desire and deserve.
Thank you for allowing me to read for you, I hope this has helped
in some way. Do keep us posted.
Much
love, light and hope to you, {{{{{{"M"}}}}}}
Soul2Harusami
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