Dear Oracle,

My name is Katalina, born in Melbourne Australia in 1980 on the 3rd of October.

I had a 5 year relationship with a sweet, caring and loving man (called L.), and I had a steady career in Environmental Health Management, as well as a good social life and many good friends.

My parents are Hungarian, so I went to Hungary with L. for 6 weeks in June 2001. I fell inlove with the country and with my family members over there!

When we came home, my life changed, I was no-longer happy with my career, home and friends... I realised I didn't live the life I wanted and that L. was not entirely suited to me, as he was becoming too complacent with/in our relationship, and became lazy and un-interesting to me!

I was sick of him, and I had no tolerance for him, nor with anything that was in my life at that time. I needed change.

A famous singer from Hungary came out to Australia in September 2001 (same year) and L. and I (still together fighting to make things work) went to see him perform.

The singer was to be in Australia from September 18 - October 22. When L. and I arrived at the concert on September 22, the singer (M.) saw me and instantly fell in love with me. Of course I did not know... only the singer's manager knew!

L. and I went to almost all of his concerts held around Melbourne and we even spent time with him at every concert and even took him out places as well!!!

It all happened at the final concert on October 10, his manager came up to me when I went to the rest room, and took me outside to talk. She asked how serious I was with L. - I replied that I was wanting to break up with him soon. Then the manager with brightly lit eyes, told me that M. was in love with me and that he has been sick for the last 3 weeks because he loves me that much. He didn't eat, was vomiting, and was continuously looking at photos of me that were taken.

She asked if I wanted to meet up with him. I said definately.

I liked him from the very moment we met at the first concert, he was a beautiful person.

I met him 2 days later and we hit it off ... we were madly in love with each other... I instantly called L. and broke up with him. L. was devestated!!!

M. and I fell so heavily in love that he said he wanted to take me home - to Hungary... I thought about it and then agreed... I wanted to escape my current life and start new with my new lover.

So I did.

Everything worked out... we got everything organised and on November 7 we were already in Hungary...

M. also had a girlfriend (J.) and he had broken up with her over the phone in Australia - she lives in Hungary! She was devastated... to the point that she was obssessive. She couldn't believe it!

After just 2 weeks of being in Hungary, M. had cheated on me... he was with his ex. Two weeks after that she called to say she was pregnant. M. lied to me and said she was pregnant from before he left for Australia... he tried to cover up that he cheated on me. But when I counted back the months from when the baby was due... I knew that she would had to have concieved in November... M. ended up admitting to cheating on me... but for almost a year he had consistantly cheated on me with his ex - even whilst she was pregnant...

Yes, I stayed with M. for one year - because aside from him cheating on me behind my back, we were perfect together - I guess he just didn't know if he should give up on his baby and it's mother, incase he might want to go back to her... but that was so hard for me to have to deal with... the baby was born August, and I was completly voided from the whole experience! He even cheated on me once the baby was born!!!

He tried to keep the "cheating" a secret from me - but somehow I always found out indirectly!!! It hurt, so I left him after a year on November 2002!

M. was very upset, and promised that he would change if I just stay and give him a chance - I felt that I had given him plenty of chances. I came back home to Australia.

He called me to say that he had told J. that he wants me and not her, and that he is prepared to start a new life with me... I was very reluctant - M. was scared I would not return. I said to him that if it is true that he has closed it off with J. that I would return next month.

Next month came, and M. already got together with another girl (one of the friends of the group he hangs with). The girl's name is A.

He said that he is just "with" her but wants me instead... time passed and he still didn't break up with her... January 2003 came and he spent New Years with her... he became close to her and said that he will want to start new with me in June 2003...

Now he is still with A... but for months now he has been insisting that he still wants to get back together but that it is hard for him to break it off with A. for reasons I do not know...

He says I shouldn't have left him last year...

He calls me every week to say how much he loves me and that I am the real one for him... but I don't know if I should believe him, after everything...

So my question is as follows...

Will M. and I reunite to start a new life?
I am stuck in my life at the moment... confused, and lost!!!

I would appreciate any help as soon as possible... PLEASE!!!

Luv Katalina

Dear Katalina,

Thank you for the opportunity to read for you.

First of all, I don't feel that M. is going to change who he is, despite what he feels for you. Fidelity isn't something he is ready or willing to provide to you. Yes, he wants you to be around, because you are special to him. But he wants others as well. Think about this -- if he wanted an exclusive with you, would he extend his current relationship into June, and ask you to wait until then to get back together with him?

You have two choices here. You can go back to M., accept him as he is, complete with his relationships with others as well as you. Or, you can decide that an exclusive relationship is something you must have, and tell him that you cannot be with him, because he can't give this to you. This is a choice that only you can make, because you are the only one who can decide what is most important in your life.

I do feel that if you decide to try things with M. again, he will promise you that he will not see anyone else. Unfortunately, it isn't a promise he will keep for very long. Things will be great again with him for a while, and you will enjoy what you have with him. There will come a time, however, when things will again be as they have been, and you will not be able to tolerate it, and will walk away.

There are other things that you mentioned in your question that I would like to speak to at this time. You were with L. for 5 years. For someone as young as you are, this is quite a long period of time. In addition, your relationship with him started at such a young age, you had not had an opportunity to see all that life had to offer. I believe that this was as much of a reason for your wanting to break up with him as the reason you gave, which was that he was becoming less interesting to you.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to explore all that life has to offer before you make a final commitment to someone. It will help you to know better what you are looking for in a partner, so that you don't settle for less than what you want. Also, because you are young, you may be looking for more excitement than what you would find in a mature, stable relationship. Most relationships, in time, become a bit more complacent than what they are when they begin. It takes work and effort to keep excitement in relationships, and some are more willing to make this effort that others. It doesn't mean that the genuine love isn't there if the excitement is less apparent -- it is simply that one or both of the partners doesn't feel the need to create the excitement anymore.

Whether or not you choose to return to M., you also need to decide what you are looking for in other areas of your life. You stated that you were no longer happy living in Australia, or with the life you had there. Yet when you left M., you returned there, rather than staying in Hungary. It may be difficult to separate M. from other aspects of Hungary, but it would be a good idea to try to do just that. If you would truly be happier in Hungary with the family you have there, then it would be a good idea to return there and set up the life you're looking for. However, if you're more comfortable in Australia, with a life that is more familiar to you, then you should make the best life possible there. Again, this is a decision only you can make, as you will know best what is most important to you.

Whatever you decide to do, I do feel that you will get to a point in your life in which you step back, take a look at all that has happened, and know that you are stronger for it. In addition, you'll see that the experiences have given you a much clearer idea of what you do and don't want in your life. This point of reflection seems to come between December of this year and March of next year. Shortly after that time, you'll find that as you reach for what you are certain you want, it will all be within your grasp. This includes the relationship you are seeking, friendships and other relationships that satisfy you on many levels, and work that you enjoy.

Again, I thank you for the opportunity to read for you. I wish you many blessings on your journey.

Soul2Peace

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