Dear
Chris,
I must
tell you that it's somewhat unnerving to read for someone who's
circumstances so closely mirror my own, but I've come to realize
that Spirit often brings to me these opportunities and messages
for my own guidance.... It's always easier to read for another,
easier to be able to get out of my own way and be the conduit.
The twin
soul connection is never an easy one, as I'm sure you well know,
they are always about challenges and growth, separations are usually
involved, forcing one to become whole within and reconnect personally
with the Divine Spirit. This connection is rarely understood by
anyone who hasn't directly experienced it, it's a tremendous gift
or a tremendous burden depending on your perception and level of
spiritual growth. Often we are not meant to be united as life partners
with this being who shares our soul, but the meeting acts as a springboard
for our spiritual growth... in having to release our Beloved while
wishing them the greatest happiness... we truly live in unconditional
love.
Often
we cannot be with our Beloved until we have both healed our inner
wounds and found our own separate path to the Divine and have sufficiently
balanced our karma with other souls in this current life, fulfilling
our earth vows and obligations and finding our life's purpose.
I can
see from your astrological charts that you share the Sun-Moon conjunction
so common in these relationships, his Sun is conjunct your Moon,
a very strong love connection. You also have very strong Neptune
aspects.... Your Moon is conjunct his Neptune while his Neptune
is conjunct your Sun. This is a highly spiritual union and you both
see each other on a soul level, this union is meant to open you
to a greater spiritual reality, but there is also caution necessary
in viewing each other realistically, beyond illusion. You have most
likely spent a past life together in spiritual service.
The twin
soul connection is often overwhelming in its intensity, though we
may say we wish to be united physically in this lifetime.... often
a part of us fears this intensity, fears being "absorbed"
by the other so completely and so we cling to our contentment and
the comfort of our mundane existence.... our ego clinging ferociously
at what it knows, preferring the simple patterns and routine cycles
it's used to. Joining with our Twin means changes in all aspects
of our lives, it causes us to reexamine our existence. The twin
becomes as a mirror for us, and from this mirror we can see ourselves
as we truly are, warts and all, and it will necessitate us to "fix"
our woundedness, examine our motives and live consciously. This
mirror will also allow us to learn to love ourselves with forgiveness
and compassion.
R. fears
the intensity. Its a strange thing, but most people fear getting
what they truly desire, the fear often stems from a fear of loss,
ironically. You are still that wild, magical, yet elusive goddess
that he was enchanted by in grade school, and the fear of actually
having you and losing you is within him. R. is also balancing karma
with his wife, fulfilling his earth vows and needing to be a loving
father. I think you know that R. cannot leave his wife for you,
he has to leave for HIM.
You are
also not as ready for this union as your mind may perceive, your
statement that, "I don't want to live with him or begin
raising our kids together right now", tells much, you need
to examine your fears and continue the inner work you are doing
to become whole within... your higher self knows this, but it's
hard to release the intense longing this connection inspires in
us. Know that you are always connected... the bond cannot be broken
in the spirit level. You can communicate on this soul level freely,
speak to him with your heart, and listen with your inner knowing.
Have
faith, but also have no expectation. Though Spirit may open many
doors, it is our individual choice to walk through them and at this
point R. is unwilling to lose the foundation he's built, he feels
his world would be turned upside down by any changes now, and as
much as he loves you, his fear is still stronger at this point.
I would encourage you to speak to his higher self in meditation,
ask him what it is that he needs. Also, connect with your higher
self and ask what it is that you need at this time.
It does
feel that you will be in touch again, March seems to feel important
for this. I don't believe he'll be ready to make any major changes
until five years from now... realize that five years is only a tiny
drop in the ocean of eternity, and that at the end of what we perceive
as time... you will be together, you share an eternal soul.
I hope
this has helped, thank you for allowing me to read for you. Please
keep me posted.
Blessings
of strength, love & light,
Harusami
