Love
Can Be Fierce
Truth: As you grow spiritually, first you become neutralized
and then you bloom sexually.
When you
first start to grow spiritually, you seek balance and wholeness. So
one of your initial motivations is to  balance
your inner masculine and feminine. As a woman, you may strengthen your
inner masculine by cultivating your sense of purpose and direction,
applying self-discipline and scheduling to meet your goals. As a man
you may strengthen your inner feminine, magnifying your life force,
communing with nature, and learning to go with the flow by feeling rather
than by trying to change things.
So, initially as they grow, women tend to become more self-directed
and men tend to become more flowy. Women enjoy their independence and
projects. Men enjoy their capacity to let go and allow things to be
without effort. Women become more purposeful and success oriented. Men
become more radiant and sensually alive. Men and women depend on each
other less because they have cultivated their inner masculine and feminine.
They have become whole.
Eventually, however, this motive toward inner balance may lead to sexual
neutralization and spiritual stagnation. Women, in their effort toward
self-directed achievement, can lose touch with their desire to be sexually
ravished and spiritually surrendered. Men, in their effort toward sensitive
allowingness, can lose touch with their desire to aggressively ravish
their lover and face death with clarity. Women can become hardened and
men can lose their edge.
Therefore, partnerships between women who are proudly self-sufficient
and men who are afraid to take charge in relationship tend to characterize
beginning spiritual couples. At the same time, deep down, these same
women begin starving to be relieved of needing to always lead their
man. And these men begin starving to be received by a trusting woman
who can surrender wide open, radiant as love.
Although women want a man who is sensitive, they don't want a man who
is afraid to stand his ground with a fierce and open heart. Although
men want a woman who can take care of herself, they don't want a woman
who is afraid to let down her guard and open in radiant ecstasy.
Occasionally, women want to be ravished by a dangerously loving man
of strength and integrity. And men want to be invited into pleasure
by a sultry slut with a deep and open heart. If you suppress the darker,
more wicked textures of love, then your sexuality becomes tepid. And
the same is true spiritually: unless you can really "do it"
with the divine, your spiritual heart begins to starve.
It's good for a woman to be able to achieve her personal and professional
goals. But that's not enough. To take the next step in spiritual growth
and love, a woman must be able to open her heart and body so wide she
is filled to overflowing. She must allow and actively invite deep, forceful,
blissful penetration--spiritually and sexually. Recognizing that constant
self-protection and self-sufficiency is stressful, boring, and unfulfilling,
she can surrender open, and allow the deep yearning in her heart to
bloom wide as the love that lives the universe. She can allow herself
to be taken, to be breathed and lived and moved and shaken by a love
far more radiant than her need for self-assertion.
It's good for a man to be sensitive, kind, and receptive. But without
knowing the ever-edge of death, he can become a sexual and spiritual
wimp. He needs to practice total presence so he can feel his brief life
evaporating. Only then is he moved to give his deepest gifts, urgently.
With an open heart of feeling and care, he no longer tolerates bullshit.
If necessary, he will artfully ravish his woman and the world to open
and receive love. The force of his love will at times be gentle and
sweet, while at other times it will be urgent with death's unwavering
command.
Grown beyond the need for neutralized sexual evenness, women are unwilling
to settle for a safe man who is afraid to stand strong and unflinchingly
present while she dances in fury or wild heart-desire. Men grow unwilling
to settle for a tense-necked woman who thinks ecstatic surrender is
a form of feminine weakness. With full emotion, untamed longing, and
the demand for deep masculine presence and unfettered feminine radiance,
a couple is able to take the next step together, spiritually and sexually.
The self-sufficient woman grows to invite ravishment without safety.
She demands her man's deepest consciousness, his most fearless love.
She lets her man know when he falls short--not through the endless rehash
of civil discussion and equitable sharing, but by risking the scream
of her heart's deepest needs. She is tired of being her own man, and
she longs for her lover to enter her heart. She yearns to surrender
open and live as all love's power--shining love, breathing love, dancing
love, sexing love--so she is willing to wail her hurt and shout her
heart's need. Sure, she can take care of herself whenever she wants
to, but now her heart desires passionate communion more deeply than
competent independence.
The sensitive man grows to risk everything for the sake of love. He
realizes that he must learn to live free or die a mediocre fizzle. He
knows that living free doesn't mean doing what he wants, but rather
opening and giving his deepest gifts, whether he wants to or not. How
must his love be given? To whom and how deeply? Through what skills
and strengths? No longer able to hold back when his woman and the world
refuse him, he learns to persist in presence whether they open or not.
Even confronted by difficulties, he learns to feel wide with an open
heart, giving his deepest love unblunted by safehoods. He knows how
to allow others to do their thing. He knows how to go with the flow.
But his urgency to gift love, to open his lover and the world, is stronger
than his preference for "whatever".
Spiritually oriented people often swim in a lukewarm miasma of stiffened
women and spineless men--very efficient and quite safe. Once you have
balanced your inner masculine and feminine, after you have enjoyed the
independence of self-sufficient wholeness, you are ready to take the
next step. Just like a true poet grows beyond the confines of a utilitarian
language, a true man or woman grows beyond the boundaries of a functional
life.
Healthy is good, ecstatic is better. Deep down, would you rather settle
for safety and comfort, or open so wide you live as love's tremendum,
sometimes shouting, sometimes fighting, always unprotected, your heart
exposed as a free gift, your body quaking with the force of love unbound?
Copyright
©2001 PLEXUS & David Deida. All Rights Reserved.
Visit
David Deida's website: www.bluetruth.org
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